Inu Wars
by Insane Kawaii Shippo-Chan
Summary: What happens when you mix caffeinated craze dream of a sixteenth century humanoid hanyou and the greatest scifi movie of all times? A messed up Star Wars dream that’s what! Full Sum inside!
1. Sugar Hell

Inu Wars

Summary: What happens when you mix caffeinated craze dream of a sixteenth century humanoid hanyou and the greatest sci-fi movie of all times? A fucked up Star Wars dream that's what! Inu Yasha must over come the forces of the dark side to save Princess KagomeLea, or just plain Kagome, with his trusty Light-Rin! Can he master the ways of becoming a Jedi Master with Master Totoda, whom everyone just calls Totosai? And can he defeat Darth Naraku and Darth Sessho-Maru? What is his relationship with Darth Sessho-Maru?

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Chapter 1: Sugar Hell

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Inu Yasha hated it… hated it with a passion.

The damn sugar daddy package wouldn't open. Every time he got a hold of the edge, the blasted thing would tear off just a little bit. He had been trying his damn hardest to get it open for nearly ten minutes… make that eleven. It was the night of the new moon, at least in Kagome's time and her family was away. Away to where? Somewhere in Osaka for some weird expo of mummified crap from his era.

"AHH!" shrieked Inu Yasha, "Open damn you! I want to eat you! Woman! Open this blasted thing before I eat the wrapping too!" he fumbled with the caramel cover paper, praying to all gods of caffeine that it would open. Again it ripped and he shrieked, almost sounding like a school girl.

"Calm down, Inu Yasha. Maybe you shouldn't eat so much candy." Kagome sighed as she took the candy from his chocolate covered hands, "You ate six bags of jumbo party mix candies alone! Can you really handle any more sugar? You ate my snicker bar and Twix!"

"No! I need more!" whined the humanoid hanyou, "I love sugar. It's my friend!"

Kagome shook her head in disbelief, the eyes of the hanyou gone human dilating as if he was on a high, the color streaks from the M&M's earlier making him look like an escaped psychopath that had an accident with finger paints.

"Let's just finish the marathon ok? It's almost three in the morning, but there's one left." Kagome leaned back, unwrapping the sugar daddy and popping it in her mouth, "Star Wars isn't such a bad movie, though I don't understand why they made the last three first. Look at those effects!"

"Kagome… I have no clue what you mean, the movie is trippy as it is, but besides that, why did you eat my candy?" Inu Yasha crossed his arm as he pouted, eyeing Kagome with a look of malice, at least he hoped that what it looked like, but the buzzing in the back of his head and flashing lights with the music playing in the back ground was really making thinking difficult. The thunder storm wasn't helping either. He twitched.

"Oh shut up! All I know that the guy who played the older Anikin Skywalker was hot. Too bad he got messed up after episode three." She sighed, "The beautiful never last long." She pretended to wipe away a tear as she sniffled. "And it was not funny when he lost his hand!"

"I thought it was. Come on, Sessho-Maru showed more balls than that! He didn't whine like a ninny!"

"That's because he was a great big DOG!"

Inu Yasha grumbled to himself as he shoved a mouth full of caramel popcorn into his mouth, then chugged it down with a can of coke. Opening another bag of regular buttered popcorn, he dumped a box of milk duds and a pack of pop rocks in it and consumed a fun size pack of whoppers. More coke soon followed and the fun size kiddy packs of jolly ranchers you can find in the AMC kid packs. Throwing the can behind him, he went for a can of root beer, then the king size double peanut butter filled Reese's pieces butter cups and snickers.

He went to the kitchen and opened the freezer, grabbed the cappuccino dark chocolate heart Godiva ice cream, a box of soft chewy chips ahoy and Oreos before resuming his quested on finding the hidden boxes of donuts Kagome hid earlier that day. He raised a brow as he opened the oven, finding the pink boxes of custard chocolate glazed donuts and it's siblings of other donutty flavored yuminess. Ah, the wonders he could eat in a box of four dozen donuts _crammed in each box_. Getting the can of whip cream and Twinkies, ho hos and zingers, Inu Yasha went to sit on his spot on the couch.

He didn't understand what was happening in the movie only that Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were talking.

'_Vader should really see a doctor about that breathing problem or maybe… a DARTHER_' Inu Yasha cackled at his own corny joke, "It wasn't that funny…" he finely said to himself, "God… I. AM. A. LOSER!"

"Hmm?" Kagome said, eating a pocky stick as she watched the two characters ramble on and on. "Can you believe the two are related?"

"Nothing… nothing at all…" he jumped as the two characters clashed together in a death defying fight of neon colored swords. Where were the blades? And where did that other guy come from? Oh no! Vader turned against him! "Yeah… kinda figured something like that was gonna happen after episode three." Inu Yasha began to twitch as he filled a twinkie with whipped cream.

"If I hadn't seen the movie already, I wouldn't have!" Kagome said, finally turning toward the boy behind her, "HOLY ICING BATMAN! Inu Yasha, you're not going to eat all that!" she yelled, trying in vain to reach over and grab a box of donuts, "You have to share!"

"NEVER!" squealed Inu Yasha and he not so lightly shoved Kagome with his foot, covered in socks since the heater was broken. Oh well, at least she wouldn't be impaled by his nasty toe jam. Oh the horrors of cleaning it earlier!

"Well… You're going to get fat if you don't share!" she hissed.

"And so would you, retorted Inu Yasha as he crammed a plain glazed donut. The left over bits crusted over his mouth, making a nice frosty ring around his lips. To Kagome, it looked kind of…. Kind of wrong. Yeah…. She really had to stop reading gay romance novels. Or romance novels in general.

"This is blasphemous!" Kagome hollered, getting up and walking toward the stair case, "Fine, don't share you pig! I hope you breakout and gain… a zillion pounds! See if anyone would want to fight a lard butt! Fatty!" she humphed, walking up the stairs with her eyes clothes and nose in the air. Little did she know, once of Sota's toys was ready to ambush her.

Kagome stepped on it, squealing in pain as she tripped, sliding down the stairs. Inu Yasha pointed at her and laughed, chunks of Zingers and Ho Hos flying out. "Da wha ju gef, Kwag'meh." He said, laughing.

Kagome got up and threw the evil hell produced toy at his head, successfully knocking him unconscious. Little did they know, he was about to enter the scariest dream ever experienced since Alice in Wonderland or Bring it On 2. Nah, Legally Blonde was scarier, but he'd never admit to watching it. But either way, a certain Mr. Seuss would have loved to meet him.

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And there is the first chapter. I wanted to post this up along time ago, but a lot of things kept me from it. I am minutes away being whisked away to buy food for a very special event at school… woooo! I hope you enjoy and I want 10 reviews! Please? If you have any ideas, feel free to tell me. Maybe in another chapter or 2, I may post the entire characters' roll. But for now, you may guess who plays who after the ones I already told you. 


	2. YM: The Nightmare Begins

I finally got around to watching the god damn thing. Took me forever to find my DVD because I knew I had it and I didn't want to buy a new one. I'm sorry it took so long to get this one out to you guys, but thank you for those who have read the first part to it and a big thank you to those who reviewed!

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Inu Wars

The Yokai Menace Part I:

The Nightmare of Sugar

A long time in a galaxy far….far… and I mean super far away, turmoil… -screech!- Inu Yasha woke up in what felt like an 'out-of-body-experience'. He looked down at himself and was shocked to discover he was on a bed of… words? His eyes bulged out from his head. Since when did he know how to read? Whoa… how trippy was that? He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the buzzing in his head as he stood up.

He slipped on the word 'galaxy' and stumbled out into space, spiraling out of control to the nearest planet at a nauseating speed. Hmm… it looked like the one from episode one of… what was it? Oh yeah… that psychedelic glowly light sword… thing. Looking at the words as best as he could while zooming through space as the first inu-hanyou space craft, he caught the glimpse of the words Jedi Knights. Damn it, he got sucked into the damn Star Wars movie, didn't he?

"I see," he began, pounding a fist into one of his hands at his epiphany, "When you mix pop rocks, soda, and all that twenty-first century yum yumness, you get… what was it called? Oh yes…" he chuckled to himself, "Speed. Speed. Is. Good!" Oh no, what has Inu Yasha gotten himself into? There was no hope for the hanyou; he was going to die in a sugary sweet induced dream, not that he knew it was a dream of course. For all he knew, he must have been on such a sugar high, he used his inhumanly powers to fly across space before crashing into a satellite, veered left on Jupiter, and spun into a black hole that sucked him into this caramel smelling galaxy only known as Star Wars. Or the world of Voltron. Whichever he discovered first really.

While zooming through space like a living red and silver colored meteor, our hanyou began to think of all the candy they might have on the planet below. He figured if candy got him into this mess, then by George Washington's wooden teeth, candy had to get him out… or kill him. If he ended up in another universe, like that found in the Banana Splits Show or The Smurfs, he was going to blame it all on Sesshomaru and his armless disability. If he ever got back, Inu Yasha vowed to cut off his other limbs and rename him Stubby, Lord of the Western Stubbles. The bastard was always trying to get rid of him. What better way than to send him across time and space? This was so unfair to the sixteen century hanyou from earth. He could deal with the Bone Eater's Well, but this was just too damn much.

"When I get home, I am so going to kill him." Seethed Inu Yasha. "From watching movies, they don't have ramen in other planets! Ramen is my source of power! Like Popeye with his spinach, but without the unusual transforming muscles of freakishly scary Bruno and bad guys doom! Gah!" the gravitational pull from the planet made Inu Yasha become the first living meteor. The closer he was to the planet, the hotter it became. Soon he was on fire, singing "Hot Stuff" and "It's Raining Men" to pass the time. How long was this going to take?

"I believe I could I fly! I believe I could touch the sky. I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly awa-AHHHHHH!" Like out of the movie Dun, Inu Yasha closed his eyes and landed in a hill of sand, creating a mushroom cloud the size of Tokyo Tower and a crater in the shape of Hello Kitty's head. Out of nowhere, a blinding white light engulfed the poor half demon. He shrieked like a little girl before finally opening his eyes. "Am I… dead?" he looked down at himself and squawked like a chicken.

"Where are my clothes? What perverted god has changed my clothes to these rags of blinding white?" he pumped his fists into the air, "And why am I translucent? Where did I learn such a big word? Damn, why am I talking to myself?" then he gasped, dropping his arms beside him as he fell back into the sad, "Shit… I did die!"

Little did Inu Yasha know, up in space, something was brewing. Two Jedi Knights, Kwaigon Myoga and his apprentice Obi-wan Kagura had entered aboard a ship of the Trade Federation as ambassadors of Supreme Chancellor Onigumo. They were trying to figure a way to convince the Trade Federation to continue their trade with the Planet Naboo, where coincidently, Inu Yasha had been spat out near from the worm hole he was in before he crash landed on and possibly died on Tatuin, though not even the great Zeus could figure out how he got from one end of the universe to the next to land there in the first place. Not even this authoress knows, it just happened to happen in a almost unhappenable way. If there ever was such a word!

"I have a bad feeling about this." Obi Wan Kagura said as she removed her hood of her black cloak. Beside her, a rather chubby fellow did the same. He looked nervous, but mentioned nothing of it as he began to rub his wimpy goatee.

"I don't sense anything." He said.

"It's not about the mission, master." Kagura felt her eyebrow twitch. "Stop touching your facial hair!" she hissed, "It sickens me." Clearing her throat, she continued to look around the rather small room they were in. "The bad feeling is coming from somewhere else, more… elusive and the sorts."

Myoga rolled his eyes, taking a small stroll, "You're just paranoid. I think you might have eaten too much Guaba Fruits and are probably bloated. The bad feeling is the gas building up in your stomach." Myoga patted his round stomach, "The forces tell me that's my problem too." He groaned a little. The sound of flatuation filled the air.

Kagura looked at him mortified, not believing he said and _did _such a thing. That or embarrassed because he might have nailed it. "But… master. You told me I should be mindful of the future the future."

"Young Padiwan," Myoga began, "Not at the expense of the moment. Be one with the force, if not it seems we must get back to that hookah bar and get you high again. Being high is the only way to get in touch the forces of the universe." He nodded his head in a matter of fact way. Kagura looked at him as if he lost his mind, but thought better then to question him. From what she learned at Jedi Knight School, one must meditate to achieve the enlightened state to feel the force within them. But what did she know, even if she was the top of class despite her sleeping with the teacher? She was a Padiwan, following one of the most famous Jedi Masters around.

They found themselves in front of a window, staring out into space. Both were silent for a while, minus Myoga trying in vain to not break wind, before Kagura sighed, "Master. Do you think the Federation will comply will the Chancellor's demands?"

Myoga snorted, "The Federation is nothing but cowards…" poot "Uh oh... that didn't sound good."

"Like you when you have to deal with a battle?" Kagura covered her nose and rolled her eyes. It definitely didn't sound good. Nor smelled good...

"Ahem… once we pull out our Light Rin's, they will have to comply. And I am no coward, I am more of a lover then a fighter. Pacifism is the way to peace."

Kagura shook her head a little, "Until Jenca Calos of Tylenol comes knocking, ready to sever your head and make it her trophy. Or Bramu of Advil when he finds out you took some of his Guaba fruit. Then we'll see who's on their knees, begging to be forgiven." She chuckled a little as her advisor fidgeted uneasily.

Elsewhere on the ship, the captain looked at his C3-Koharu who was telling him that the Jedi Knights have come to see him.

"What? What did you say?" said an odd looking alien who strangely sounded like an Asian man. His beady eyes twitched, unable to comprehend what his robot just said. Sighing in frustration, he, for some reason, knocked on his funky Pope looking hat that he thought flattered his blue face and red dress… I mean robe.

"I believe they to be Jedi Knights, captain." Said the robot in a feminine but mechanical voice, "But what do I know? You bought me on a 399 special from Sith R' Us."

"I knew it." Said another alien wearing a pink fuzzy boa around his neck, also sounding like a small Asian man, "They are here to force a settlement, probe our minds and use the force to make us look ridiculous!" The captain and C3-Koharu looked at each other then at their companion strangely. Who was he to say they were going to look ridiculous when he was already wearing a pink fuzzy boa. Let's not even begin with his fashion sense. Leopard printed robes were not flattering to his goopy figure.

"This time I will contact Lord Naraku… hopefully he forgot I owe him a new battle ship."

"Are you brain dead?" shouted the other, "I'm not going in there with two Jedi!"

The captain looked at him funnily; "Who said you had to go in?" he looked at the C3-Koharu who shrugged, "Did I say we had to go in?"

The boa wearing alien blushed a little, embarrassed at his outburst and sheer stupidity. Of course they wouldn't go in… the Jedi would kick their ass with their freaky Light Rins which were known to slice, dice, cry, whine, play and kick you in the ha-ha until you could hit notes like Mariah Carrey among other horrible things when one learns to use… _the force_. He looked back at the robot that currently was leaning her head to the side with giant Z's in her eye bulbs, signifying she was ready to go on standby. Cheap piece of crap.

"Send the droids."

His captain smacked him upside the head, "Are you crazy? I barely finished my down payment on a set of a hundred! You know how much insurance costs for those things!?" he placed his hand on his face in mild irritation as he shook his head, "Unless you can come up with a million space-a-roos, I will not send in the droids! Lord Naraku gave me a really good deal on those! It only cost my year salary, vacation home and my wife!" he pouted at the thought of using the expensive gizmos. He knew he shouldn't have bought them, but when his comrades did, he didn't want to look like the looser and poor one. Which the captain was.

"So why did you get them in the first place?"

"Because…" the captain said, "I thought it would be cool to have an army of droids, even if I use them as door stops, tables and stools. And it's not easy being the one left out of the group!"

The other just rolled his eyes. "Just send the damn things in!"

"Fine..."

Back with the Jedi, C3-Koharu came in with a tray of tea for the Force wielding duo.

"Is it in their nature to make us wait this long?" Kagura asked as she yawned, "I have a spa appoint at four. I hope I can make it." She took a cup from the tray and began to pour the warm liquid. Taking a small sniff, she hummed in delight at the sweet odor. The tea smelled like minty-vanilla with a slight cinnamon flare to it… if the world of Star Wars even had such things.

"No. But I sense an unusual amount of fear vibes for something as trivial as this. But then again, it could be by gas acting up again. I would be scared myself. In fact… I am. I don't think my underwear can deal such a blow this time." Kagura stared at him with wide eyes, her tea cup close to her mouth but not enough for her to actually drink out of it. How would she ever get use to this slob?

Back with Inu Yasha on the planet Tatuin he was currently roaming the desert like a petrified zombie. Attempting to lick his dry lips, he gagged as he tasted dried out sweat and sand. He looked up at the sun and growled, shaking his fist in the air again as he shouted.

"God damn you vile piece of useless crap! Why do you have to be so damn hot!? Where is the freakin Rain God? Do I have to do a dance for that?" he began to do some river dance moves, hoping something would happen since it was after all the River Dance. River… water... maybe there was some kind of connection between the silly dance and making rain. After a while, and realizing he wasn't getting anywhere but closer to a ghastly kind of death, he was knocked to the ground by a huge gust of wind.

Rolling to his back he sighed, to tired and delirious to actually do anything useful for himself and survive. "Ramen… ramen." He began to chant, "My only source of power. Ramen! HOW I NEED THEE! Ramen! Ramen! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!" like something out of Birdman, he felt the sun's rays hit him with some kind of power. He slowly got up and dusted the dirt off him. Satisfied he had no more sand on him except in his clothes and in between unmentionable cracks on his body, he glared at the horizon the direction he had been wandering.

"There… over that hill I shall find a damn city! Or so help me Buddha I am going to kick your ass when I die!" taking off like an Olympic track star, he dashed to the nearest hill with great force. He had to get out of here… or else Kikyo would actually see him in hell, if he could actually make it to hell from where he was at. For all he knew, he'd end up in some limbo kind of world and meet a giant ape named Frank-farter who'd rape him then eat his innards for the rest of eternity. Yes, he needed to get out.

Back in space, the captain and the flaming alien were infrot of weird circle on the floor. Currently, the captain was fiddling with a small toggle, cursing his bad reception. "Damn piece of crap! For this reason I don't even get Play Bots!" another few wiggles of the stick and he was able to get the frequency he needed as the image of a man in a lounge chair came up, playing peaceful elevator type music as 'Darth Naraku's Hotline' flashed.

The picture disappeared as the music came to a screeching hault. "What is it?" said a dark figure in a baboon suit as he yawned, "I was getting my beauty sleep dammit!" the only thing you could see was from the baboon hoodie was his chin and lips. Yes… this guy was creepy.

The gay alien wasted no time in telling him off, "This scheme of yours has failed, Naraku! The blockade is finished. I dare not go against the Jedi. One is said to be gassy! And their Light Rin's are just as scary!"

Naraku sighed, "I don't want this fairy in my sight again! Take him away. And you know what? Your boa makes you look ugly." Said alien began to cry like a little girl as he ran away, screaming that he was misunderstood. Once he was gone, Naraku went back to speaking with the captain of the ship. "This turn of event is unfortunate. We must excelerate our plans. Begin landing our troops."

The captain, or "Vice Roy", whatever the hell he is called in the movie, looked at the cloaked figured rather skeptically, wondering what exactly Darther Naraku was thinking. There was no way his plan would work, not any more.

"My lord… is that even legal? I don't think I can handel another ticket! My insurance is through the roof now…"

"Shut up. I will make it legal."

"And… the Jedi?"

"The chancellor should never abort a meeting to this. It looks bad, you know? I'm like… God, and God must look good to the eyes of the people. Kill them immediately."

The captain blanched, "Yes… yes my lord. As you wish."

"Good… now I shall return to my sleep and your wife." The picture went hazy again as the connection was cut off.

There was a sudden explosion that jerked the ship. Kagura squeaked in shock as Myoga shrieked in pain for his tea, still hot, spilled all over him. They jumped up and summoned their Light Rins. Two little girls, one blue and and the other green, jumped out of their magical rings, growling like little dogs as they awaited their compands. The freaky neon colored glowing twins were alert as green gas came spewing out of the vents. Kagura cursed.

"Damn. Either one was gassier then me or they plan to suffocate us." Myoga said as he and Kagura returned their light Rins back in the rings.

Outside the door, skeletal driods came marching toward their door. A hologram of the captain appeared as he gave then their order. "They must be dead by now. Destroy what's left of them." Then he zoomed out. The total cost of that transmission set him back another hundred space-a-roos.

The doors opened up as the Sotaru driods, about of dozen of them, prepared to fire. From the smoke came out the C3 Koharu, coughing up the deadly vapors. "Damn… next time warn me to cover my vents on my ass. Ugh, this thing tastes like bad oil!"

The driods let the robot pass as they began to get ready to enter. One told the corporal, a yellow colored one to go in. "Rodger that." He said as he entered. Just then, the familiar "scesh" sound of the light rins was heard. "Uh-oh. Blast them, 100010001011010." Oh no, another malfunction as he began to shoot randomly.

The Light Rins let out a strange laugh that normally scared people. At each shot, they jumped up and ate the blasts, sometimes spitting them out to go in another direction with the wave of their master's hand. Things were looking bad as Kagura sent some driods flying through the air with the force. Myoga did the same, but unintentionally as he bent down, releasing some pent up gas. This surely was not a fair fight for the driods, bought on sale because they sometimes were dysfunctional. A pity that the only battle they would see would be their last.

"What is going on down there!?" cried the captain.

"We lost transmission, sir."

"Argh! My driods! My payment wasn't DONE!" he began to get irrated as he ordered the brigde to be sealed off. Another alien believed it wouldn't be enough because the captain never dealt with Jedi Knights. They were all going to die a horrible and painful death. "Now I have to pay another ten thousand space-a-roo fee! My God, will my money trouble never end!?"

Outside Kagura was fighting off more driods while Myoga made his eat through the door. The captain wasn't giving up without a fight as he demanded the emergency doubled layered doors to be closed as well. Myoga stopped and sighed, before assisting Kagura again. Once the other driods were done, he made his Rin go in deeper as she began to hack away at the door, melting the metal with her cute but deadly little fingers that could cut off anyone's hand with a single touch. Yup, they were some hot mommas.

"They're still getting through!" one of the aliens said. The captain was shocked.

"It's impossible! They were custom ordered doubled layer doors from Sith R' Us! I want my money back, dammit!" the door began to give way as Myoga's Rin made it through. The little she devil has a murderous glint in her eyes as she waited for Myoga to command her.

"Master! Destroyer Ginkotsu Driods!" Kagura said over her shoulder as she prepared to fight them off to. They came undone from their little balls, a force field covered them as they began to shoot lasers at the Jedi. Myoga and Kagura deflected them, but none were doing damage to the driods. Things didn't look so good. Not with these freaky bots that had head of a green haired man.

"It's a stand off. Let's go!" Myoga said as he ran down the hallway with Kagura and the rins close behind but away from the line of fire of his booty.

"Dey are no match for these driods." The emo alien said. But his happiness was short live as a middle eastern sounding alien at the control panel spoke.

"Sir, dey went up the ventilation shaft."

"Dammit!"

"That was gross." Kagura said as she dusted herself, "Don't they ever clean the vents?" She sighed as they quietly made their way to where ever it was they were going, Myoga was in the lead. He stopped by some crates.

"Battle Sotaru driods? Hmm... they look expensive."

"It's an evasion army." Obi-Wan Kagura gasped out, "So these guys can be smart!"

"No, this is not a play for the Trade Federation. They're too dumb for such a thing. We've got the warn the Naboo of this, or all is lost like my house. We'll have to split up, board different ships and meet somewhere down below. It'll be easier that way."

Kagura nodded. She waited for her chance to get on a ship and met her master down on Naboo. "You were right about one thing master."

"And that would be?"

"The neogiations were short."

Back on the brige, the middle eastern alien opened up the transmission sent to them from Naboo. On the screen was a women wearing funky clothing and her hair was up in a big complicated pile. Jeez, had she ever heard of a barber shop? Her hair looked like a massive black dome on top of her head, her face was painted white save for her top lip being painted red as well as the middle of her bottom one.

"Ah, Queen Amidalla herself."

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And here I shall end it. Sorry for the looooooooooong wait. Hopefully chapter three will be up faster then this one was. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3: FORGIVE ME!

**I am updating all my stories with this message: no need to review/comment, just hear me out as to why I've been on hiatus [AGAIN]**.

First and for most, I hope my readers are still out there. I want to sincerely apologize for my absence… However if you haven't figured out, I am a dumbass and well… I forgot my password. Yes, I forgot my mother-fucking password. It sucked ass, then out a stroke of luck at 4:30 in the goddamn mother fucking morning with a rumbling tummy three years later, I remembered it. I fucking REMEMBERED by far one of the easiest passwords I have in my arsenal, it's like spelling Mississippi but STILL getting it wrong because I mother fucking misspelled it. Who wins dumbass of the year award? THIS BITCH!

Second, my original crashed. Not like a virus crash, but fell of my desk and obliterated the already cracked screen. It stopped charging too. It went to laptop heaven and it sucks because I lost my hard drive I had backed up everything into. I have NOTHING. All of my stories I must go back to and reread them myself, retweak my shit grammar mistakes and for the love of god hope I remember the mother fucking story lines. Specifically my Inu Yasha fics. However, considered myself fucked because pages of notes and dozens of chapter drafts to go by are gone into virtual purgatory. I know there's a way to extract my shit outta my dead laptop, but I don't have the funds to see an expert. Where's my Dr. Horrible when I need him to rob a mother fucking bank for me? You can skip this next ish... It's only up for the mother fucking sake of venting.

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Also, you know I haven't hid much from you from my personal life. I say things not to draw attention upon myself and hope ya'll would feel bad for me and leave me reviews to cheer me up. Oh no, I am as open in real life and I am online. I just don't dive into my sex life (at least detailed wise). Everything else though is game. The last few years go as followed, first notes bad, followed by positive shit.

-Finally recover from my near death experience, get a boyfriend who sadly lives in Florida, see him for the first time in person in October for Halloween weekend. I is loads happy, forget all about fanfic writing for a bit.

-Lost jobs- FREE TIME! Met some awesome new friends at the premier of Wolf Man, one becomes my best best friend later in the year, and my lover boy

-Get ticket in San Diego while seeing an old friend-Worth getting the wrong and cheaper bill for our sushi lunch and got free coffee bean

-BIRTHDAY- one year to go until I'm 21

-Mom finds ticket-its eight mother fucking dollars

-Mom kicks me out of the house because she's a bitch and I'm banned from see my babies for like 3 or 4 month (I love my baby siblings!)-Still see now ex-long distance boyfriend in Florida

-Yay week vacation!- Come back to live in the ghetto with my dad

-Two weeks later boyfriend admits he cheats on me—FORGIVE HIM!

-Two months later find out he's living with the bitch for half our relationship—BREAK UP WITH HIM!

-Cry for like a week to new best friend-Best friend and I start having sexy time

-Return to school- see lover boy often despite him living 60 miles away!

-Black out during New Years and results in my sister throwing me under the bus, thus banishing me from seeing my babies for 8 mother fucking months. Missed my baby girl's 5th birthday and her first day of kindergarten- my abuelita still talked to me!

-21st birthday-VEGAS! I lived the mother fucking Vegas dream. How my liver didn't explode or not pass out like New Year remains and mother fucking mystery.

-Find out why lover boy has been single for a few years- epic tears on my part for the saddest story ever. I literally wept for him and his experience. No, she did not die. She was an emotionally and mentally abusive bitch who blamed him for the shit she got herself into when he tried to man up. I knew her, and yea, she's a fucking psycho. Still is… however it resulted in us getting closer and what do you know, he starts to love me in return

-Day of finals, went to drink with my classmates and teacher, dad gets pissy and explodes on me about him wanting to divorce my stepmom- sweet lover boy allows me to stay with him for a week a few months later when his parents are gone.

- Turns out dad already has a girlfriend in mother fucking HONDURAS. Like fucking hillbillies, it's his nephew's ex WIFE who bore said nephew 3 children and has another one from another man! Work for a bitch-HAVE A JOB!

-After getting drinks with stepmom and friends the Monday after Thanksgiving, BOTH of my parents try to commit mother-fucking suicide. Still really fucked up from that night, I haven't been the same since. This led to more fucked up crap. Lover boy's cousin commits suicide Christmas day, I go to cheer him up, a week later I hear rumors he wants to get back with his ex from 7yrs ago, he LIES to me about it when he dumps me, I go apeshit crazy on the phone one night after having way too many drinks at a party, same night had to clean my friend's vomit from the bathroom floor while she's passed out pantsless on the toilet (I am an amazing friend, I know. All I remember was cracking the door open and asking for an entire roll of paper towels, some Windex and a baggy), 22nd birthday comes around but all I get from lover boy is a no-show when he and my other best friends are invited to one of the most beautiful lounges in LA (Check out the Edison, it's breath taking and steampunk and I could sploosh) so my feelings are hurt all over again on my mother fucking birthday. - - - -Met a nice guy at a bar and go on a few really wonderful non-sexy time dates with him. This isn't a bad thing. We start to date, yay!

-Dad costs the company he was working for almost a quarter of a million dollars because of a stupid mistake that could have been avoided if he wasn't fucking skyping with his katratcha bitch.- risk losing everything and be out on the street!... oh shit, that's not a good thing though….

-Get a hold of lover boy on Dia de las Madres, forgive each other for everything but his girlfriend is a bitch and hates my guts and doesn't want him talking to me, we gotta ninja our relationship again even though it's nothing sexy—mom finally gets her "dream wedding" which I was almost NOT invited to!

-Got a mother fucking traffic ticket for "texting" the same night! Two weeks later, lose my job! A week later: lover boy says we cant be friends anymore because he doesn't want to lose her. Beyond mother fucking pissed was I. A week later… DUI! Mother fucking stayed a night in jail without boots and my bra. Not a good time to wear a halter-top and a mini skirt- DAD PAYS LEGAL FEES

-Lover boy and I talk again only for a week later he tells me to ask his cunt-sucking whore for permission to be his friend, End up not talking to him for 2 months. – GANGSTA PARADISE PARTY WITH PEOPLE LIKE 5 TO 10 YEARS OLDER THAN ME! Who gives a shit if my ex texts me saying that he misses me and thinks about me constantly? Fuck that noise, I get drunk and chola out!

-Now boyfriend meets mom at the end of September, it was HORRIBLE, got to Universal Halloween Horror night same night, stop hearing from him the following Thursday and I have to deal with ex lover boy at friend's party. Mother fucking awkward as fuck.-End up talking to him the following Monday for 3hrs on the phone. Keep in mind he is a strong and stubborn man, but he was crying on the phone, apologizing and telling me he left me cause he got scared. Mother fucker loved me too much he wanted to marry me but the last time he thought that, he was with psycho bitch and he flipped out. I forgive him, see him the next day, epic and totally uncalled for make up sex that strangely dealt with many tears occurred. Saw looper and we decide to get back. Fuckmageddon II occurs between us while his parents are away a week later.

-Ex-lover boy gone legit boyfriend finds out his life was a lie and feels like an inadequate son. Uncle dies two weeks later- he's in New Mexico visiting family he hasn't seen in half a decade!

* * *

There ya have the "cliff notes".

The beginning of the year I was on the verge of being an alcoholic, but now I'm much better and happier and putting my life back together on my own. My boyfriend is supporting me and reminds me that I'm not fuck up. Ever since the double suicide thing (not because my parents love each other, they can't fucking stand each other), I just haven't been the same. I had to tackle them both to the floor at some point in the night. My stepmom around 2:30AM and my father, a 350+lbs man at 5AM. With him it was the most traumatizing because not only did he swallow my stepmom kidney medication, I had to tackle this behemoth on my own. He's 5'10, I'm just less than 5'4" and I weigh half his size. I not only tackled him to the concrete floor while I have a bad back, I get him in a choke hold and incapacitate him long enough for the paramedics to come and cuff him. He thrashed and bucked, me below him in excruciating pain but like a mother fucking boss I held my ground like some mini she-hulk.

I hope none of you EVER have to go through such an experience. If you have, I am so sorry, but I hope you're coping with it in a healthy manner and not be like me with substance abuse. I am much better now thanks to my friends. Fuck my family… At least not my mother's side because they don't and will never know about my father's 'behavior'. As for my father's side… they support his childish 'love'. Their support and lack of questioning his sanity led to that god-awful night I still have nightmares about. Without my friends being there for me, I don't think I would have made it myself. I've been going through so much stress… I'm also out of school again and because we can't afford to pay last semester's tuition, I can't return for spring. I dropped half way last semester because of the stress and trauma.

In the next few weeks I should be pumping out new chapters! I don't have shit to do when I'm not with my boyfriend, at AA meetings or doing community labor. Think of it as an early Christmas gift! Hopefully I can start updating again on a semi regular basis considering I don't have a J-O-B and I only see my love on Fridays and occasionally Tuesdays' nights for sleep over's :D

Much love always.

Insane Kawaii Shippo-chan


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